Trolls Need Not Apply

Dear Anne,

I have heard about these so-called public chat sites where people can go sign on anonymously. I’m interested because I want to talk with other nice people my age.

My friend suggests I stay away from these sites because there could be trolls. What is a troll?

– Sally, Hackensack, NJ

Oh, dear Lord, Sally,

For the sake of all that is pure and holy in your pubescent brain, stay away from chat sites. They are a breeding ground for trolls, such as this one that I have provided.

These particular trolls love to fester within the deepest realms of desperation and discontent. It provides no distinguishable intellectual nourishment especially for your feeble fragile mind.

Known as the Mind Eraser, this troll will sit back and gather personal information; all the while sucking out your lifeforce.

Like a kid with Downs Syndrome who is happy just to get a participation ribbon for coming in 6th place – this troll will only “LOL” at you no matter what you say to it.

If you find yourself infatuated with trolls, might I suggest a Tinder account?

With love always…
A. Slanders

The Mind Eraser Trollasuarus